What should I do if my husband cheats? Type this question into the search bar and you’ll get nearly a hundred pages of articles.
Browsing through, you have to sigh, no matter how seemingly perfect marriage, is fraught with danger.
On ANY PSYCHOLOGICAL EMOTION FORUM, LAUNCH SUCH A post, DO not worry about the person who DOES not follow, and be PLACED ON the top forever.
“Try not to divorce, how can a relationship say let go?”
“If it’s the first time, give them a chance.”
“Don’t want to continue, but to involve too many people and things around, very troublesome.”
“Away!
He betrayed me. Why should I waste my tears on him?”
“Forgiveness is a matter of principle.”
In addition to the examples lurking all around us, in 2007 and 2008, we were more impressed when the wife of a famous host appeared on the taping of a show and accused her husband of cheating on camera.
All of a sudden, this event through the spread of large and small media, has become a hot topic in the street.
A senior white-collar worker in Shanghai, unable to bear her husband’s betrayal, chose to fly down from the 24th floor the day after being rescued by taking medicine to commit suicide.
And there is a short article on the Internet teasing wives all over the country “how to do if your husband cheats” : Beijing wife: came to a private detective agency, entrusted the private detective to collect evidence of her husband’s infidelity.
After a week, the husband received a court summons, the wife sued to divorce.
Finally the husband was judged to be the wrong party, the house and other family property to the wife.
Shanghai WIFE: MORNING TO THE HAIRDRESSER DO ION HOT, AFTERNOON DO FACE MASK, EVENING AT HOME TO PREPARE CANDLELIGHT DINNER, COST 400 YUAN.
The husband came home at night, saw the beautiful sexy wife, deep regret that they have no eyes.
A week later, the wife published an article on the magazine entitled “How do I KEEP my promiscuous Husband”, and got 500 yuan.
Guangdong WIFE: DRESS UP FLOWERY, MADE A TELEPHONE CALL TO FIRST LOVE LOVER — FEED, STILL REMEMBER ME?
I’m lonely. Are you free tonight?
So, the husband continues to be natural and unrestrained outside, the wife is IN the home private meeting lover, do not interfere with water, peace and quiet.
Sichuan WIFE: CLEAN UP THE HOUSE, THE HUSBAND’s clothes folded NEATLY, left a note, TOLD HER HUSBAND TO TAKE MEDICINE ON time.
Then go back to her mother’s home.
The HUSBAND conscience discovery, GO TO MOTHER-IN-LAW’S HOUSE to plead guilty, PLEASE return WIFE.
Shandong WIFE: RUN TO THE HUSBAND UNIT CRY SMALL MAKE TROUBLE, THE HUSBAND AND HIS THAT YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL “FOX SPIRIT” COLLEAGUE’S SCANDAL EXPOSE COME OUT, THE UNIT PROMISES TO GIVE PUNISHMENT.
Her husband divorced her and married the younger sister a week later.
That’s a bit extreme.
These women have nothing to do with where they live, but if you think about it, they can represent almost all types of wives’ attitudes and approaches to “cheating”.
${FDPageBreak} The practice itself is not right or wrong, but the result may not be in line with the original intention of the parties.
A marriage therapist says that no matter how you feel like the sky is falling, it’s best to ask yourself the following questions before taking action: Who am I really dealing with?
A cheating lover?
His lover?
The marriage itself?
Or oneself?
For this defective marriage, do I want to stay, or end?
Who can save a marriage?
The return of a lover?
A “mistress’s” conscience?
Or my own efforts?
The marriage therapist says that while there may be a million reasons why a marriage can change, the person we need to deal with most is ourselves.
Seemingly passive, you may be a major factor in deciding whether a marriage stays or goes.
You can take the lead in cheating on your husband, making it seem like you’re always on the hurt end of the betrayal.
In fact, you may not know, his derailment, can not do without your intentional inadvertence;
Marriage, in fact, more dominant power is in your hands.
“I have a deep respect for fidelity,” says Hellinger, a family therapist. “But it’s not forced fidelity. It’s not saying, ‘I’m the only one.
It’s not uncommon to meet someone who suddenly bursts into your heart and becomes important to you.
We need to respect that fact.”
Psychology is not a social morality, and there is no way to define right and wrong, because everything that exists has its own rationality.
Holding up the shield of morality will not stop things from happening.
In fact, when this “break-in” time has passed, a sense of responsibility will rise as a criterion for dealing with the parties involved.
Because of the affair, there is also a so-called fresh period.
Generally speaking, the first three months is a period of love, this time, if the wife is aware and strong interference, but will make the marriage into a crisis;
And in half a year, he began to choose between love and family, this time, the warmth of home can often play a multiplier effect;
After six months, if the man still loves his family, most will choose to return.
So maybe it’s just that “breaking in” moment that you can’t control.
When it comes to extramarital affairs, men often explain that they are just like students who want to skip class occasionally, but women make things worse by adding their own logical reasoning to the facts.
Think of him before only love a pledge, suddenly feel that everything is a lie, so, this originally not intense affair, into a person to another person’s betrayal.
And betrayal is unforgivable.
But, almost no one will sentence marriage death in a flash, because you hesitate.
Maybe you’re still in love with him, but beyond that, you can’t let go of your children, your family, your ethics.
So you have to figure out if you can afford to lose your marriage.
Are you destroying or rebuilding? About two-thirds of my counselors, they want to undo the damage they’ve done to their marriage.
But by asking them carefully, you gather enough evidence to make his mistakes so obvious that he can’t argue with them.
They may be able to give a breath in a moment, so that hurt self-esteem, in his speechless recovery.
But, I have to say, these practices will only cause the marriage to break up.
Unless they are just trying to save their dignity and not their marriage, attacking their lover or lover often neutralizes the “attack” on their marriage and reduces the power of their own self-reflection and self-reproach.
Marriage is like a wall, not only imprisoning, but also sheltering.
If one side has pulled down the siege, the best way out for the other side is to come out, unwilling or unwilling, only to be hurt by the crumbling bricks.
I once told a client that if a lover has an affair and is unrepentant, you should be the first to call it quits.
Since he asked first, there must be more responsibility, and you can get more substantial compensation.
At this time, for their own sake, safeguard their own interests, rather than complaining, hatred, is not more calm?
Some people say that marriage is like an earthworm, disintegrating is a great pain.
But we often overlook the power of self-healing. It just takes time.
And, when free of the shackles, may be obtained is the road to another happiness.
1. Don’t try to find evidence because you suspect your husband is cheating, such as scrolling through his chat history or checking his mobile phone, because this is close to self-abuse.
If you don’t, you’ll think he’s disguised too well.
And if he does, you want to embarrass him in front of the smoking gun?
When you take a biased look at his behavior, you really do find that there are so many suspicious things about him that you may be prepared to spend your life trying to prove them.
2. Don’t insult the person he’s cheating on by using vicious put-downs.
