Li Tian, the third of five siblings, was in a less prestigious position.
Elder sister has a grandfather pet, younger brother has a mother pain, second brother and younger sister for grandmother and father love, only he, like a broken kite can not find a love landing point.
In fact, he desperately wanted to be loved, especially by his mother, who was very stingy with him.
His mother was very busy with her work, and he was not her most important child, so her eyes rarely fell on him.
He is always hungry, the hope of a mother’s love in the heart.
When he was in college, two girls showed him a crush, but he didn’t accept either.
Both girls were nice looking, flirtatious, flirty, cute, the kind men like, but he had no interest in it.
What kind of girl do you want?
In fact, he was at a loss.
After work, his colleague Sister Wang introduced him to a girl.
The first time they met, the waiter brought the tea, the girl naturally helped him to hot the cup;
When he ate dessert, the girl duly handed over the tissue;
The girl smiled at him as he spoke, and there was a peaceful encouragement in her eyes.
These movements suddenly made him feel.
The feeling of warmth and being cared for was what he had been longing for for a long time.
That’s it, he thought.
The girl soon became his wife.
A wife is a woman who is naturally maternal, as well as to her husband.
And he needs this kind of motherly love to fill his years of hope.
He enjoyed his wife’s motherly love with ease.
Every day, the strong man who is out on his own comes home as a willful child.
At that time, he was very content.
But good times are always difficult to grow, the birth of his son let him become a broken string kite.
When he saw the little man snuggling in his wife’s arms, sucking sweetly at the breast, he often felt a sense of trepidation, even jealousy, rather than paternal joy.
The arms that belonged to him were taken by this little thing;
His wife’s warm eyes, which he had enjoyed alone, now mostly fell on the little thing.
Where is he his own son, is clearly with him to snatch love enemy!
He began to wrestle with his son for love.
Sleeping at night, the wife wanted to put their son in the middle of two people, said two people to take care of, the son is warm.
He insisted on not sleeping next to his wife.
The wife had to put the son on the side of the bed, afraid of the child rolled out of bed, had to use a chair to block the bed, but the night still woke up countless times.
In the wife to nurse, his matter also came, or the eyes into the bug, let the wife quickly to blow;
Or the hand suddenly twisted, to his wife to help him knead.
If his wife slows down a bit, he throws a childish tantrum.
His wife did not know his narrow-minded, but felt that he did not know how to dote on their son, and they often quarreled about it.
Little boys can be somewhat mischievous.
Generally, the father will laugh at his son’s naughtiness, and some will say proudly: “This boy, just like me when I was a child!”
And he was so hostile in his heart that he could not tolerate even his son’s little mischief.
When his son was two years old, he beat him up over something trivial.
When his son is older, he often magnifies his son’s shortcomings and mistakes.
Every move of the son, he will be to the bad direction of the son’s intention, so that the son is particularly wronged.
And when he has an argument with his son, if his wife argues for him, he will feel hurt and angry.
${FDPageBreak} When their son was in elementary school, they moved to a new house and his wife bought new utensils.
The rice bowl and cup the wife bought for her son were in cartoon patterns, and the one she bought for herself and him was in bamboo patterns.
He looked at it and asked, “Which is mine and which is his?”
The wife smiled, “What do you think?”
He gritted his teeth and shouted, “I want cartoon!”
The wife can not laugh, feebly say: “WITH you!”
Once, THE HOME CAME THE GUEST, SEE THEIR HOME CUP BOWL SO DIVISION OF LABOR, QUITE FEEL STRANGE: “HAVE NO MISTAKE, SISTER-IN-LAW YOU ALSO TOO BULLY ELDEST BROTHER?”
He clutched his head in embarrassment and his wife sighed helplessly.
Before his son graduated from primary school, he proposed to let his son live in junior high school.
The wife felt that the children were too young, and the school was close to home, so she did not agree.
He was dissatisfied with this, and picked a quarrel with his wife more than once.
To his son, he is more cross nose vertical picky, how to see are not pleasing to the eye, there is a hostile posture.
When his son was about to enter high school, he changed tack and tried to do his wife’s job. He said that he should live in the best school so that he could concentrate on his studies and exercise his ability to live.
His wife did not know whether he was persuaded, or afraid of his entanglement, agreed.
The son did not object.
After his son lives in school, he can enjoy the motherly care of his wife all to himself, his heart is much more balanced, and the family is relatively calm.
But every holiday, conflict is inevitable, and often over small things.
For example, whether to cook his favorite food or his son’s favorite food, whether to go to see the movie he recommended or the movie his son recommended, and so on, he will be haggling.
At that time, his wife has an understanding of his psychological, know that he is with his son jealousness borne, it explained that they were all the year round together, take care of his day, and less time at home, son later released is rarely a trip home, son home, nature should accommodate the son, hope he can understand, a bit better to son.
He agreed, but still felt wronged.
Sometimes watching his wife make out with their son, he gets angry for no reason.
His son will take the college entrance examination this year, and he has become very concerned.
He encouraged his son to apply for an out-of-town college, for a good reason.
Unexpectedly, an emergency illness before the exam led to his son’s failure in the college entrance examination and did not achieve due results.
My son refused to go to a second-class school and insisted on going back.
He certainly had no reason to disagree.
With repeat classes at home, there was no reason to let my son live on campus.
In this way, with the “natural enemy” is to meet up.
He was unhappy and often resorted to cold violence against his son.
He had an icy look on his face at dinner.
His face drooped when his wife spoke to him.
When his wife served his son food, he began to pick on the salty dishes and the wrong brand of wine.
When his son is sleeping, he deliberately turns up the volume on the TV, or startles his wife to watch something, asks her in a loud voice where so-and-so is.
Watching his wife whisper, tiptoe, frightened and helpless to himself, he felt a tinge of satisfaction.
Finally, the son could not stand it any longer and told them that he would go out to work, go to a faraway city, work while reviewing, and take the exam again next year.
The wife wept and begged her son not to go.
But his son said his mind was made up.
The next day, he overheard his son saying to his wife, “I can see that I’m not the only one in this family. Let me go and live with my dad.”
The day his son left, he had mixed feelings.
By rights he had won, but the thought of his son’s words and the gloomy look in his wife’s eyes did not cheer him up at all.
It is not uncommon for fathers to be jealous of their children.
In general, this kind of jealousy is sour with sweet – jealous, but does not hinder their love for the children.
But Li Tian’s situation is a little special, he is competing with his son for a mother’s love, completely treat his son as an enemy.
First of all, it has to do with his childhood experience and his perception of it.
Ranking determined his place in the family, and the lack of maternal love kept him in a constant state of emotional hunger.
It can be seen that when he is looking for a significant other, he is not looking for a lover in his subconscious, but for his mother and mother’s love.
Second, his role is ambiguous and even misplaced.
Obviously a husband, but take themselves as a child, take his wife as a mother;
When his son was born, he did not want to stand in his father’s position and love his son with his wife.
The child is the love child of his wife, but he regards his son as the enemy of his mother’s love.
Therefore, his behavior in this family, there is a clear regressive tendency, behavior is very naive.
At the same time, he has a strong compensatory psychology.
What he did not get from his mother as a child, he wanted from his wife to satisfy his desire.
Therefore, when this desire is affected or threatened, he becomes hostile and fights with the other, regardless of the fact that the other is his young son.
Li Tian needs to know the shadow of childhood afresh below the help of professional personage, open heart knot, change own cognition.
At the same time, establish the correct role consciousness, enter the role of husband and father — love and receive the wife’s love as a husband, accept and give the son’s love as a father.
Of course, the wife’s cooperation is also very important, the wife should also be clear about their role, do not be the husband’s “mother”.
As for compensatory psychology, might as well change the content.
Their lack of maternal love, but can give the son a little more father love, from which can also get some satisfaction, this is also a kind of compensation.
However, it should be noted that this compensation should be enough, too much, too much, is also a disaster.
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